We Were Taught to Be Pretty, Not Present

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From an early age, many of us learned how to pose, please, and polish.
We were complimented for being quiet,
rewarded for being polite,
and praised when we were pretty.

But rarely were we taught to be present—
in our bodies, our emotions, or our desires.

???? The Performance Begins Early

Being “pretty” wasn’t just about appearance.
It was a role: soft, accommodating, never too much.

Presence, on the other hand, required something more radical:

Speaking up when something felt off
Taking up emotional and physical space
Feeling without filtering
Wanting without apology

But presence made others uncomfortable.
So we learned to stay on mute, even when our bodies were screaming.

???? The Cost of Performance

When prettiness is prioritized over presence:

We smile when we’re uncomfortable
We say “yes” when we want to say “no”
We disconnect from sensation during sex
We apologize for taking up space—emotionally or physically

This isn’t just social conditioning; it’s self-erasure.

???? The Return to Presence

To be present is to be fully here:
in your voice, your breath, your needs.

Reclaiming presence looks like:

Pausing instead of performing
Asking “What do I feel?” before “How do I look?”
Choosing comfort over conformity
Letting your body speak, even when it disrupts expectations

????️ From Decoration to Embodiment

You are not here to decorate the world.
You are here to inhabit it.

Your body is not an ornament. It’s a sensor, a messenger, a home.

And your presence—unfiltered, unposed—is not too much.
It’s the most honest thing you can offer.

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WE WERE TAUGHT TO BE PRETTY, NOT PRESENT

We Were Taught to Be Pretty, Not Present